Trying to deal with anxiety

Monday 15th August 2016

Recently my partner and I moved into our new place. I was so happy and everything felt right until one evening last week when I was left alone in the house. From time to time my partner works nights and also works for a week away from home. None of this was ever an issue up until last week. From the moment that my partner left the house up until the moment that he came back, I was waiting for something awful to happen. I didn’t plan on waiting all night in the bedroom, with the light on and a kitchen knife ready on the side table. I remember running through scenarios in my head, I thought about what I would do if someone were to break in or what I would do if i heard a noise. As I was thinking i felt my heart begin to race…I thought that if my heart were to race any faster I didn’t know what was going to happen. When my partner finally arrived I was exhausted as I had been awake all night waiting for the worst to happen. After that happened I tried so hard to be happy in our new place, but when I was there all it did was remind me of the panic that I had felt. Its almost like I now associated the new place with fear and anxiety. It was at this point that I realised that I needed to try and get some counselling. It is now about a week later and I still can’t believe that I let my anxiety get to this level without realising. I have planned to go and see my GP and am also trying to get some counselling. I now realise that during the past two to three years, I have avoided being home alone, especially at night. During the past two to three years I have always had a fear that something is going to happen to me. I am meant to be starting my masters in October and am considering pulling out of it, as the idea of going to a lecture and then returning to am empty house due to my partner being at work is unbearable. I should be so excited to be in my new home with my boyfriend but all that I try to do is avoid being here alone. I have never felt like this before and I have never really been an anxious person. However when reflecting on the past two or three years I can see how I have slowly lost touch with the happy, carefree person that I used to be. Right now I just feel so confused and it feels like I just want to wake up and snap out of it. I wonder if anyone else has felt like this and and how they overcame it. I suppose that for now I just need to try and stay positive and tell myself that things can get better 🙂

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